Disasters
I have a rather sordid history with macaroons. I burned them in 2012, then again in 2014– and those are just the times I’ve shared openly with you. Since I’ve been a baker, I’ve charred the crap out of the bottoms of macaroons every six months like clockwork. That’s a lot of wasted bags of Angel […]
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YOU: “What am I even looking at?” ME: “Oh, that’s the kitchen timer countdown thing.” (Said with a bit of a dismissive tone.) YOU: “But it’s in pieces.” (Said with a bit of a ‘clearly I’m talking to a mentally handicapped person’ tone.) ME: “Uh huh.” (Said like everyone does here in the Midwest.) [Serious ‘uh huh’ culture shock […]
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You can’t tell, despite my stunningly advanced photography skills, that the tart shell (the thing on the right) was actually permanently bent out of shape as a result of prying the brownie (the mauled chocolatey thing on the left) out of it. Have you ever had to throw out a baking pan because you couldn’t get what was inside of it out? […]
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I can usually salvage things on the brink of disaster. I’ve even salvaged full-blown disasters- like when I served The Husband the Chocolate Shortbread Heart Pops that broke all to hell all over the inside of the oven and all over the floor in front of the oven, too. (He might not have been fully aware that some […]
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The irony isn’t lost on me that I was just saying how fancy I think come across when I bake French pastries. Is it okay if we don’t talk about what happened to this whole batch- all 18 of these fancy-pants Cinnamon Sugar Palmiers? Merci.
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We don’t really need to go into the details of this particular disaster. It’s really quite reminiscent of the time I overbaked the nuts, and the macaroons, and the coconut bar things. There really isn’t anything for me to add, other than this poignant question: “How many times do I need to learn the important lesson […]
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“What’s that smell?” “Oh, shit.” Correction: “OH, SHIT!” (Caps and an exclamation point summarize the moment so much more than calm little italics.) Lesson learned: Don’t leave your kitchen towel on the stove, like ever. Especially when the front burner is on its highest setting. But you already knew that, didn’t you?
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This is not what you want to have happen when you decide to make a batch of Oatmeal Chocolate Chunk Cookies. I’m too pissed off to even analyze and then type the answer to you as to what went wrong. (All I know is this- gluten-free flour, ugh. And I guess I didn’t chill the […]
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Yeah, it’s not a typo. I meant to say HazelNOT, not Hazelnut… for rather obvious reasons, don’t you think? (See picture above.) (These little charcoal nuggets are the disaster version of the Hazelnut Double Chocolate Cookies, which I totally recommend baking as long as you don’t have a Fisher & Paykel oven, which tends to char […]
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Which one to blame? That’s the question I was left with after returning to the kitchen all excited to put together my Creme Brûlée Meringue Cake and finding the creme brûlée ‘sampled’. And not by a human being. Was it Andy, the dairy-loving cat who loves butter and cheese and cream as though he was raised […]
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Uh oh. This is a picture of what you don’t want to have happen when sugar and molasses are cooking away quite pleasantly one minute, then angry as hell the next. I turned my back to wash something at the sink, or maybe I bent over to talk to little Ralphie in a baby voice (our […]
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I do. It’s an oxymoron, I know: Burned Icebox Cookies. Speaking of morons… Let’s just say I’m getting acquainted with our new oven, and we’ve had a few disagreements. I’ve never been the type to rotate pans in the middle of baking a batch of cookies or brownies or whatever, and now I resent that I […]
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It’s fairly obvious what happened here. Or is it? Because I still don’t know where things went wrong. One minute I was successfully piping dark chocolate on the most-excellent Hokey Pokey Sponge Toffee, and the next minute I was taking a chocolate shower. Five minutes prior I arrogantly asked The Husband if he wanted to […]
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I know this doesn’t really look like a disaster, so allow me to explain the full extent of the drama that unfolded after I spilled about a cup of flour all over the freaking place: There really was was flour all over the freaking place- which is enough of a situation to at least mildly […]
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If I didn’t intervene when I did, I’d still be scraping a burned pool of blueberry goo off the bottom of our 400º oven. Lucky for me I caught the blueberry avalanche before it set the smoke detector off. As it stands, it’s just the dessert itself that was ruined (and my morale, because it […]
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If it’s okay with you, I don’t really want to talk about this one. (Because this disaster is all too similar to this one, and this one. Oh, and this one, when I learned that silicone and I don’t get along.) I’m taking a break from these little baking pan things for a while. Or […]
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This is what happens when you bake an insanely yummy Triple Lemon Pound Cake in little teeny muffin cups and you don’t grease the cups well enough. The lemon chips like to linger on the pan. And leave odd-looking holes in the bottoms of the mini-muffins themselves, where the chips were supposed to be securely baked. […]
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Damn it. I know better. Lightly beaten eggs + heat (oh, like from hot butter, for example) = scrambled eggs. I was making a batch of my almost-too-good-to-eat Chewy Pecan Bars the other day (wait- I know that’s stupid- if something is too good to eat then by definition one should eat more of it) and made […]
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